I've been lurking about ninja-faving lately, but still haven't really been up to creating anything to share with others.
My life kind of fell apart.
I'm okay! My family's okay...we're all okay.
My body is just trying to convince itself that it's a 60-year-old grandma, and not a 20-year-old college student. The doctors tell me there's nothing wrong, and I'm in buckets of pain for absolutely no reason. Which...okay.
I work-out a lot and stretch quite a bit--and the doctors have recommended a break in the former and an increase in the later. Their best guess is that my joints are over-tired, and I should stretch out my muscles more.
Additionally I'm sorting out a complex relationship with an attractive fellow and his roommate, both of whom I'm attracted to. The big complexity is, "I'm just his friend, but everyone keeps assuming we're dating, why?" and it's follow-up question, "I wouldn't mind dating you, but is now really a good time to push for a boyfriend?"
I'm quite leery of that sort of relationship right now as my Depression is back and had managed to tear quite a gaping whole in my mental armor--my buffer between obnoxious people / negative thoughts and what I think of myself / how I feel--before I thought to resume my medication. So I feel like I'm both broken and leaking--and also feeling slightly like an emotional zombie at times as the medication begins kicking in.
Pairing this with an ever-shifting friendship dynamic with all of my other close friends (one's getting married, one's snagged herself a boyfriend and is always occupied, and another is no longer a friend...dramadramadrama).
Not to mention the crazy semester of schooling I'm muddling through.
And my two irregularly scheduled jobs.
I feel like I'm constantly dropping bits of myself about. When I stoop to pick them up, I drop other pieces of myself. I'm constantly pulling myself back together, and most of the creative output I've had has reflected this current state and has therefore been highly personal. I'll need some time to distance myself from the current happenings and FEELS before I can post any of it.
I'm not dead, though.
I'm still here. Lurking. I read things when I can manage the time, and sort through my messages between sleep and useful stuff.
And to end on a positive note, I'd like to mention that you people give me hope. Seeing the beauty created on here keeps me inspired and reading your journals reminds me that other people have lives. I'm not the only person juggling life.
So thank you.